What a day

I don't take criticism well. I'll say that up front. However, if I have a heated discussion with someone. For example, Ian Halliday ... at the end of the conversation, after everything has cooled down. If the other person is right ... I'd like to think that I've taken away something from it. Sometimes I've even come back later and thank them for challenging me. It doesn't happen too often but I've done it before.

I admit it's a problem with me. I'd like to think that I'm at least man enough to admit my flaws. I also want people to point them out to me so I can work on them.

I just had a review today. I think it was probably the dumbest review I've ever gotten. They wanted it both ways.

The person giving the review received all his information second-hand. So I have to accept everything he says.

The person said he wanted a discussion. But he rarely let me speak.

The person claimed I missed most of my deadlines but did not produce anything to prove it. (I called bullshit on this.)

The person claimed that I was difficult to work with and missed deadlines but of all the developers ... they wanted to keep *me* on the project.

The person claimed that I was immature but instantiated the lower maturity on all the conversations. (I'll throw you off the roof) (That's what Italian mothers do) (etc etc ...)

The person claims that I should have clean code and yet claims that sometimes you have to do what you have to do. (Good, fast, and cheap ... I'm cheap, choose one of the other two)

Oh yes, they tell me to listen to my lead developer because it's his ass on the line. But, somehow I'm on trial for these problems. YOU CANNOT HAVE IT EVERY WAY.

By the by, no one else gets called out on the deadlines. I did miss deadlines. By about 3 hours ... once. Bad? My teammates missed theirs by days-weeks-months. *I* got called out on mine. I also got threatened by my lead developer. No one else did. No one gets a peep.

He's going to send this information to all the managers.

Reviews are a painful time for anyone/everyone. I take things critically, I'll concede that. I will call bullshit on anyone who says that they don't have similar flaws. You haven't looked at yourself honestly or clearly if you haven't. But, when you're going to go through a list of issues that I have. How can it be constructive criticism or even a discussion if you are not the person I've been dealing with? I can't defend anything. It's all a third source.

What happened was that things got hot. I was working on a volatile piece of code. Every change could break the system. I gave repeated warnings about the data I'm reading, its integrity, and the volatility. Instead my lead developer had amnesia and repeated the same thing over and over. Asking for me to have it all done ... I repeat the risks and tasks ... he says that's okay ... and he come back again asking the same thing. The next time with a threat.